Traffic Jams
by The Fandom Alchemist
Summary: The Gate leads to the Underworld, and the souls of the dead follow. Enter an extreme traffic jam, one annoyed Lord Hades, and one all-powerful -in his own opinion- Nico DiAngelo. Contains MAJOR spoilers for Fullmetal Alchemist manga/Brotherhood. Oneshot.


_The Gate leads to the Underworld, and the souls of the dead follow. Enter an extreme traffic jam, one annoyed Lord Hades, and one all-powerful (in his own opinion) Nico DiAngelo. Contains MAJOR spoilers for Fullmetal Alchemist manga/Brotherhood._

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**Warning: This contains **_**MAJOR**_** spoilers for Fullmetal Alchemist (Either the manga or Brotherhood.) Such as who dies and what happens throughout the entire series. You have been warned.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or storyline of either Fullmetal Alchemist or Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Each series belongs to Hiromu Arakawa and Rick Riordan, respectfully.**

**(Apology for lack of **_**Crashing Down to Earth**_** writings. This does not, however, fit that storyline and stands separately.)**

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_The Awesome Point of View of the Surpreme Nico DiAngelo, Ghost King and Son of Death._

Lord Hades (also known as "Daddy-Dearest") was rather annoyed. Make that _very_ annoyed. And not the "I-hate-everybody-and-everything" type of annoyed. More like the "I-hate-everybody-and-everything-because-they're-all-useless-morons-who-clog-up-the-system-and-now-there's-a-traffic-block-and-nobody's-doing-anything-now-_I_-have-to-do-all-this-paperwork-TO-TARTARUS-WITH-YOU" type of annoyed. Which could be dangerous for...everybody. Admittedly, though, it wasn't really his fault. Everything was going smoothly when suddenly, thousands-no, _millions_-of souls came flooding into the Underworld. Not only that, but half of them were deemed either good enough or bad enough to be judged. Which created a huge line. And wait-there's more. A whole bunch of them _should _have died thousands of years ago.

From my lovely perch on one of Persephone's sacred trees (she'll probably turn me into some kind of plant if she finds out), I studied the line headed towards the Judgement halls. One guy, who could be a perfect child of Ares, looked like a bear with a Mohawk. Another was extremely old, wearing all black, and in possession of a wide variety of bombs that the attendants were in the process of trying to take. A man wearing glasses over bright green eyes that I could see despite the distance was grappling with yet another attendant over what appeared to be an old-fashioned camera. Countless men wearing white uniforms crowded around Mohawk dude, and even more men in blue uniforms appeared to be giving them all vicious glares.

Jumping at a loud hiss (and _no, _I did _not_ nearly fall off the tree, thank you very much), I turned around only to be greeted by the sight of Alecto and her sisters dragging those fated for eternal punishment towards the Fields of Punishment. An old man, one in really out-dated clothes, probably one of the souls that should have died thousands of years ago, a guy in a lab coat with glasses, crossed eyes, and a gold tooth, and one of the men in a blue uniform, this one with darker skin and grey hair were dragged along, all of them wailing about promises of immortality. Morons.

Someone-or some_thing_ tapped my shoulder. I whirled around while drawing my sword-pure Stygian Iron-to find one of my father's messengers regarding me with empty eyes. Sheathing my weapon, I nodded to show the messenger that I was ready.

"Lord Hades is requesting your presence in the Judgement Hall in five minutes. " Translation: Daddy-Dearest wants me to get my butt over to watch the judgement with him (to torture me maybe?) right now, or face eternal pain.

I quickly shadow-traveled to the hall (walking and running are for lesser mortals. I am the all-powerful Ghost King.). As I stepped into the hall, I saw a black _blob_ sitting wear the souls usually are.

"Homunculus, or Dwarf in the Flask," one of the judges droned, "You are here on multiple charges. Ahem. Sacrificing multiple souls for your own gain and power. Creating the 'homunculi' and causing the death of multiple mortals and heroes. Attempting to achieve 'godhood' and nearly awakening Gaia. Clogging up the new traffic system."

Minos (can't believe father refused my request to have him brought to the Fields of Punishment) spoke up in that annoying voice. "Tartarus."

The next judge nodded. "Tartarus."

That one word seemed to echo throughout the room as each judge cast their vote.

"Dwarf in the Flask, do you have anything to say?"

Predictably, the blob stayed silent.

"Then to Tartarus with you. Good-bye, Dwarf in the Flask." Minos said as the blob was suddenly sucked into the abyss of Tartarus. I wonder what Grand-pa Kronos would say to his new playmate.

One by one, each of the souls filed in.

The man with glasses who was fighting over the camera came in.

"Maes Hughes. Died while discovering a conspiracy in Amestris" where was that? "And trying to warn his country of this plot. Elysium."

Another man, this time with brown hair took "Maes Hughes' place.

"Shoo Tucker. Turned his own daughter into a chimera." you mean the part-goat-part-lion things Percy talked about? "Fields of Punishment."

Mohawk Dude stepped up to the judges.

"Buccaneer. Fought against the Homunculus and sacrificed his own life to defeat Fuher King Bradley. Elysium."

A man with long black hair tied into a pony-tail like Annabeth's came in.

"Solf J. Kimblee. Aided in the annihilation of Ishbal" seriously, where are these places? "And joined the Homunculus. Fields of Punishment."

This only grinned, though. "You call that _Punishment_? There screams are soothing! It's like a lullaby! Send me there! Let me hear their beautiful music; their screams of pain!" he cackled, thoroughly unnerving me-the Son of Death as he was dragged away by one of the Furies.

It went on like that for what seemed like hours. Soul after soul. Some to Elysium, some to the Fields of Punishment.

Until he entered.

This man had long golden hair, pulled back just like many of the other souls, glasses, and-most surprisingly-_gold_ eyes. He walked proudly up to the judges.

"Van Hohenheim of Light." What's wrong with these people's _names_? "Indirectly created the Homunculus and caused the destruction of Xerxes. Lived for thousands of years past when he was due to die and caused a huge uproar in the lines." Probably Fields of Punishment. "Sacrificed the Philosopher's Stone inside of him to undo the transmutation planned by the Homunculus. Returned the souls back to the people of Amestris. Saved the life of Izumi Curtis. Offered his own life in for his son." The judge took a deep, unnecessary (he's dead; he doesn't need to breathe) breath. I held mine. "Elysium. The good outweighs the bad." Van Hohenheim simply nodded his head, as if he wasn't surprised, and walked out of the halls.

After a couple thousand more people, the judging was completed and I was dismissed.

_Good. Now I can bug Thalia and Percy. And buy some McDonalds. I'm hungry._

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**Sometimes I wonder if the way I portray Nico is slightly different from canon…**


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